Shannon's interview after first joining the 50 Over 50 & Fabulous Photography Project:

Start by telling me who you are, where you are from, how old are you now, what do you do…

My name is Shannon and I’m from Los Angeles, California (and very Californian!) but have lived in the DC area on-and-off for about 25 years because of school, work, and family ties. I have 53 years under my belt. I worked with USAID in international development and humanitarian affairs for more than 13 years, and had a demanding but wonderful career, but needed a change to help me decide what parts of that work were meaningful and what parts I wanted to leave behind so I could grow and live a well-balanced life. I am fairly certain some of the confidence and wisdom I gained over the years gave me the courage to join the thousands of others who were part of the “Great Resignation.” I doubt I would have taken the much needed time for myself to consider what I really wanted to do with my time.

How did you mark turning 50 and how did that feel?

I marked it in Rome, Italy but, unfortunately, I was on a business trip. There was an important annual meeting that couldn’t be rescheduled to another time and I certainly wasn’t opposed to being in a beautiful city with wonderful food for a celebratory dinner with wonderful colleagues.  Fortunately, I was able to have a small celebration with my mom and daughters before I had to depart. It felt a little bittersweet to be away from family and friends but, I think, mostly because our culture makes a big deal of large celebrations on milestone birthdays. But for me, being in another country getting to explore always feels special, especially when it’s a place where I can walk for hours and eat great food, both of which I got to do during that trip!

Have your values changed over time? What do you value now?

My values haven’t changed that much over time though a few have certainly become more deeply held. I’ve always valued integrity, honesty, good-naturedness, critical thinking, and curiosity. I greatly value empathy and adventure. Those are still the same today.  I was a pretty serious kid, and very serious about the world around me. I started college at 16 because I felt allergic to the trivia and nonsense of the way kids in high school behaved. At 17, I was protesting against apartheid in South Africa, foreign-backed fighters in Angola and teaching English as a foreign language to refugees who’d come to the US from all over the world to escape religious persecution, civil war, or lack of economic opportunities to care for their families. I've always valued doing what I could to try to make the world a better place, at least, reduce suffering. I really value internationalism and maintaining connections to people who work, speak, eat, think, and believe differently than the way I was raised.

I think I’ve always valued time but especially since my late 40s, time has become increasingly precious. I do my best to remember that each day so I spend more of my time doing things I love or, even if I have to do things I don’t love, at least working my hardest to be who I want to be.

When I became a mother of twin daughters just over 20 years ago, being a good parent became the most important thing to me. As my daughters enter young adulthood and are finding their own places in the world, I cherish the relationship I have with each of them. The three of us have learned to navigate the natural changes that come with all of us aging and being at different stages in our lives, and I am so grateful for it.

What have been some significant points of change in your life so far… how did these change you?

I’ve experienced a lot of loss in my life, starting at a young age including my father and two brothers by the time I was 9.. It made me melancholy, empathetic, angry, sad, scared of abandonment though I didn’t realize this last effect until I was older. Beyond those early losses, one of the most important changes happened after I fell in love with a good though complicated young man in college and married into his family. Because I have a very small family as well as some parental dysfunction, marrying into a large pretty close-knit extended family taught me how family could be. It’s been a tremendous gift over the years, even 15 years after we divorced.

The even larger change came eight years into our marriage, when I was 33, and our twin daughters were born very prematurely. They weren’t expected to live, and I was at risk of dying myself by proceeding with the pregnancy. I had always been fiercely (friends said “stubbornly”) independent. Everything about that experience changed how I looked at people. I needed to be dependent on complete strangers to keep me alive and to keep my daughters alive. I was on strict bedrest in Trendelenburg (at a steep incline, with my head below my feet – essentially upside down) for 7 1/2 weeks. I couldn’t brush my teeth or go to the bathroom or get a drink of water without somebody else’s help. Though it was the nurses’ job to assist me as a patient, that is not how they performed it. Maybe because I was there for so long, but the care and tenderness and empathy got me through many, many hard days.

Once my daughters were born, they were in the NICU for 138 days. Multiple surgeries, many terrifying moments, and nothing “normal” about the introduction to parenthood and community as a mother. My immediate family and several close friends revealed what they were and weren’t capable of. So did people who I had been less close to, or didn’t know at all before the ICU experience. Even 20 years later, it’s hard for me to describe how much of a shift there was in my view of strangers, and how changed my expectations were of who would show up for me in a time of need.

Like many couples with premature children, our marriage was severely tested during that period and in the early years when the girls still had constant medical needs and dally therapy. Unfortunately, it came up short. When I look back now, becoming a single mom of five-year-old twins while trying to finish my doctorate doesn’t seem like so much a choice as simply inevitable because I had matured in a very short period in ways I didn’t realize were necessary. Still, having to walk away and build a new life was crushing. The change was less about not being married and more about being more intentional about what I wanted for myself and for my daughters.

Fast forward a few years and another big change was taking a leadership role of a technical team in the field I had trained for, and traveling all over the world doing the kind of work I trained for and love. I gained so much confidence in myself both professionally and personally. I always knew I could accomplish whatever I’d set my mind to, but an extremely difficult and bitter divorce left me feeling pretty battered. I learned that I could be a really great manager, a really good leader, I could work, be trusted and I could trust others. I had so much fun and fascinating life experiences.

The most recent big change was when I moved my now 88-year-old mother from California to Maryalnd to live with me and my daughters so she wouldn't be on her own. We have a complicated relationship so it hasn’t always been easy. It’s important to me she’s not on her own, and I’m finding peace with the past in a way I’m not sure I could if I’d made another choice.  I think this is one of the greatest gifts of aging - learning to accept, forgive, set new boundaries when needed, and appreciate the time we have.

What is the one piece of advice you would give to your 20 something self?

Be as true to yourself as you can be, even if that means your behavior and friends and romantic partners need to change. Always treat people the way you would want to be treated by them.  Respect yourself, and your dealings respect yourself and be and be respectful of others. If your family is screwed up, know you’re not alone and go create your own family! People are worth it and relationships are important.  You’re not gonna get by in this life on your own.

What's your favorite bucket list-type thing that you've done?

Over the years, I’ve been fortunate to do so many things that I have enjoyed that it’s hard to pick one. Anything related to travel would be up at the top of the list because that’s always been one of my greatest loves. I’ve been able to drive across the US twice, an amazing experience both times. Once was when our daughters were little, and once early this year with one of my daughters. It was especially lovely to experience it through her eyes as a young adult.

As much as I enjoy travel within the US, travel abroad is always the most fascinating and energizing to me. I’ve been able to travel to 42 different countries across 5 continents. Every single place has been fascinating, and there is nowhere I wouldn’t want to visit or work in again. This spring, my daughters and I are going to visit my brother and his wife in Israel for the first time and I’m very excited to see them and to see a country I would probably never have visited if not for them. I still have Vietnam on my list as well as Australia, Brazil (during Carnival, if possible), and New Orleans here in the US.

Beyond travel, I want to at least try everything I possibly can, at least once. Other things high up on my list are skydiving and wingwalking. I’m getting ready to learn basic carpentry and in the spring I’m gonna learn how to sail. At the top of my bucket list is buying a little one story house on stilts in Charleston, South Carolina, and spending every morning walking on the beach with my dog off leash have both of us as happy as can be as a way to start our day. I want that to be a base for family and friends to visit and feel rested, refreshed, loved.

How have your ambitions changed since you turned 50?

Ha, when I was in undergrad, I wanted to be the first female UN Secretary General. It’s hard to say whether being in my 50s or the pandemic has influenced me more. Let’s just say it’s a combination. What I want most is to nurture my children into adulthood to be a good family member, a good friend, to find their own paths. For myself, I want to deepen my friendships and grow my friend group, get more involved in community life, to never turn my energies over again to a workplace that isn’t nurturing and kind and caring of its staff.

Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 50s?

Well, besides it's being just a number, I feel like the older I get the more I feel like I’m just a wiser version of the person I was as a teenager but with two important differences: I don’t take s*** the way I used to. I don’t suffer fools the way I used to. I think this is true for anybody who’s paying attention and wants to be more intentional about their life as they age. The wonder I experienced as a teenager, traveling near and far, looking out over the ocean, or just feeling my toes in warm sand, watching and listening to ocean waves lap against the shore, I’m still that same kid, I’m still the same person.

What do you want men to know about women who are 50+?

I might be a funny person to ask because my sister-in-law is almost 80 and my brother just turned 60. They’ve been married for 28 years. I don’t think age matters so much as who a person is and whether they connect and care for someone else. Also, in case they haven’t noticed, they’re aging too!

Have your perceptions of what being 'attractive' means changed over time? What do you define as attractive now?

Having your s*** together. Being kind. Being intentional. Taking care of yourself enough physically so you can be active and live a full life.

What made you decide to participate in the 50 Over 50 & Fabulous Project?

I don’t think I ever would’ve done anything for myself if there wasn’t a group going through the same process. It’s really inspiring to be around women my age or older, who are celebrating themselves, probably after many years of focusing on others, just as I have done.

What excites you most about the 50 Over 50 & Fabulous project?

Having beautiful photos and having an excuse to dress up for the first time in a very long time.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO JOIN THE MOVEMENT.